Shades of Love

There has been so much written and blogged about the 50 Shades of Grey books and movie that I really see no need to go into an in-depth review and add to that dialog except this,

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,  does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; ^]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails;…

I Corinthians 13: 4 – 8a

I have not read the books or seen the movie I have no interest, however I have read several blogs, reviews, quotes from the books and movies so I think I have a pretty good idea of what the movie is about.  Also, several of the bloggers and reviewers have described this movie as an adult version of Twilight, which I have read and seen the movies.  So with that disclaimer, here goes!

A relationship between two people that involves dominance, manipulation and hurt of one person over another is in no way shape or form what healthy happy relationships are supposed to be.  Relationships are about love, companionship, respect, mutual support and yes equality of power.   As in the Twilight movies 50 Shades is about a young innocent girl who is manipulated into an unhealthy relationship by a monster. The love that this innocent child has for the monster cures him and he is no longer the monster.  That is the stuff of fairy tales and really not a new theme.  The problem with these movies is that they take it a step further and feed into what is already a huge problem in our society; Low self esteem among young women and a “rape culture” that tells men and women both that its ok to abuse, be abused and dominated.  In real life these stories don’t end with the monster being cured they end with the woman dead or in a shelter for abused women.  If the monster escapes jail he just goes on to his next victim.

And then we have the whole “christian” aspect of this and the fundamental movement that tells men that they are supposed to be the authority (code for dominant) in the home and the wife and children are supposed to submit (code for submissive).  I imagine that there are some out there in the  “Complementarian”culture who probably don’t have much of a problem with the relationship depicted in 50 Shades.

Popular controversial Preacher Mark Driscoll says “A wife should keep herself “sexually available” to her husband and, if she believes the Bible, better be giving him frequent blowjobs.”   Driscoll and his wife wrote a sex manual for Christians with chapters like “The Respectful Wife,” and another titled “Can We _____?” that gives qualified approval to oral sex, anal sex, masturbation, and other common evangelical taboos, as long as they’re in the context of heterosexual marriage.

Defenders of the “Complememtarian” culture are quick to say that Driscoll is on the extreme end of the spectrum but I know for a fact that this movement takes their “submission of women” ideology to the extreme.  I have personally spoken to women who’s good christian husbands have locked them up and restrained them, refused to allow them to have contact with their friends and family, controlled what they wore, where they went, who they saw and required sex on demand.   Whether its from Hollywood (who we all know can be trusted to tell us the truth) or from the Church it does not matter.  Its a lie that relationships are supposed to be dominant/submissive in nature.

The most often read scripture at Weddings, what is referred to as the “Love Chapter,” I Corinthians 13 tells us pretty much all we need to know about what relationships are supposed to be.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,  does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; ^]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails;…

I see no dominance, abuse or control in being patient, in not being jealous, in not bragging or being arrogant.  How can someone say they are not seeking their own when they are demanding of or dominating their partner?  Dominance is not love.

Happily Ever After

If you have been given strength it is not so you can manipulate, bully, hurt or dominate. Strength is a gift given so you can nurture, love and protect those around you.  Once again it all comes down to being selfless and showing God’s love and grace to others in all aspects of all of our relationships.

If you are in a hurtful abusive relationship I implore you, get out and get help, it will not end well, life is not a fairy tale. If  you want to live happily ever after you have to make right choices.

Grace and Peace

Anita